I’m venturing out from my normal self-care suggestions and bringing you one of my favorite things to talk about– alcohol. More specifically, wine. And what better person to take wine product suggestions from? I have no kids, I’m 27, and I used to be a waitress at Olive Garden. The holy trinity for a wine product connoisseur.
The fanciest of fancy. I went to a dinner party one time and the host asked me if I wanted some wine, which of course, I said yes. I expected a two buck chuck bottle of wine to emerge from his hands, but instead I was face to face with a decanter. First of all, I felt like I was on an episode of Game of Thrones. Second, I was simply in awe. My wine game suddenly stepped up and I realized I could never turn back. You may think a decanter just makes your wine look fancy, and you’re not wrong, but there is so much more to it. I need to emphasize how important it is to let your wine breathe. With this decanter, it allows oxygen to enter which will develop the flavor of your wine. That two-buck chuck that you got from Trader Joe’s all of sudden tastes better than that $12 bottle of wine you got from CVS. That’s not saying much, but I promise the decanter will help. And if anything, you’ll definitely think it tastes better because of the look of the decanter itself. Alcohol tastes better in a fancy bottle, let’s be honest.
Aerating your wine is the move. Do not drink wine that has not been aerated unless you want to just be a commoner for the rest of your life. But I’m not going to let that happen to you, you are royalty and deserve to have wine that doesn’t taste like it was made in a stale basement. Let me turn you to the Electric Wine Aerator Pourer. This acts as a fast-acting decanter, so it is perfect when you are at a BYOB restaurant. A long tube is placed inside the electric decanter which goes on top of your wine bottle. You press the button on top and the wine flows through the electric decanter, which automatically aerates your wine, and through the pourer into your wine glass. It’s like a water fountain… Kind of. Oh, and let’s not forget it’s rechargeable. We love rechargeable things. The point is that this quickly gets your wine to taste its best, so your friends don’t roast you for getting a cheap bottle ever again.
Now that you have bought your decanter. Go ahead and clean it. Okay, now dry it. I’m sorry, did you say that there are watermarks all over it? And it looks like you never even cleaned it? Man, that sucks. I bet you wish you had a drying rack where it fits perfectly… I got you. Check out this Decanter Drying Stand. It will be the best accessory you could possibly get for your decanter and it will save you a lot of time. It is easy to clean your decanter but the problem comes when you’re drying it. There is no way to get down to the bowl of it with your flimsy washcloth that leaves little fluff everywhere. Just wash the wine out, grab your drying stand and flip your decanter on top of it.. Don’t let your guests judge your decanter based on the watermarks because you decided to work harder instead of smarter. Get with the program.
I know some of you Neanderthals think that it does not matter what kind of glass red wine goes in, but I’m here to tell you that it absolutely does matter. Get that negative energy out of your head and listen to me. When people say to let your red wine breathe, they are serious. Red wines are full-bodied and have super intense flavors, so having a large wine glass allows for it to oxidize, which makes for a better flavor. And you also look super cool when you have guests over and when you ask them what type of wine they want, you bring out these bad boys. I mean, look how classy.
A quick storytime. When I was in college I got a gig to serve wine at a really nice Christmas party with some friends. We were told to wear a white button-up with black slacks. Towards the end of the night, I opened a bottle of red wine and it actually EXPLODED all over me. It was all over my face, in my hair, and on my white button-up shirt. Thankfully, the owner of the house grabbed me a new white shirt, but not before she shoved this Red Wine Stain Remover at me. I was a skeptic and I was honestly prepared to throw the shirt away. When I tell you that this stain remover was like magic, I mean actual witchcraft. I sprayed it all over the damp red wine stains and after I washed it, it was completely gone. The secret to making this stain remover work is to act fast, so it may look a little funny when you are on a date and you have to go to the nearest laundromat, but at least you saved your favorite shirt.
You guys don’t know how lucky you have it… Back in my day all we had were regular wine openers that could act as a weapon in combat battle. Not this fancy rechargeable electric wine opener. Instead of manually turning a corkscrew into your bottle of wine, you can now just press a button and this wine opener will do all of the work. But before you do that, you can use a foil cutter to cut off that beautiful label that is actually a pain to get off without it. We have all been there and finally just ripped it off like an animal. Did I forget to tell you that this set comes with a pourer and a wine stopper? Keep your wine fresh while pouring it and while storing it. Reread that. I’m a lyrical genius. The best way I’m going to sell this to you is by telling you to go get your wine opener right now, and just look at it. It’s ugly, right? And you probably don’t even know how to use it that well. Just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself with that 19th-century contraption.
I actually gasped out loud when I saw this product. Talk about a product that you did not know you needed until you saw it. I mean, look at it. Can you imagine you and your favorite person having a movie night? Sounds like a good night. Now add this Wine and Cheeseboard. That sounds like an INCREDIBLE night. This board holds your bottle of wine in the middle while having two convenient places to slip your wine glasses into. So, now, you have two free hands to arrange the most amazing spread of cheese and meat, or you can just throw your favorite movie theater snacks on it. Either way, both are a complete vibe and will take your at-home date to the next level. We all know you need a little help in the impressionable department.
Time and time again I have accidentally grabbed the wrong wine glass when having a party with my friends. And then it leads to the awkward conversation of, “I’m pretty sure that is my glass”. Let’s avoid that conversation altogether and get the most adorable magnetic wine glass charms. You place your favorite puppy on the outside of your glass and the little magnet on the inside, so you create the cutest little reminder to know which glass is yours. We can’t be grabbing random glasses all willy nilly and drinking from them. What year do you think we are in? 2019?